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I can neither laugh happily nor be very sad, all thanks to the pills i call it "Happy Pills". Not sure if i should continue with it but i think its not doing me good. Well doctors asked me to take it and it will help, I'll just carry on to take the "Happy Pills".
Friends notice the changes, family are happier with me (not to sure have they realise the changes in me), but, since we didn't quarrel as much (usually I'm the source of all quarrels), I should be glad... I shouldn't make known to everybody and try to be so attention seeking but i really can't help it, I feel very bad abt it....
Alot of unhappy things happen on and off, days after days, occasions after occasions, i hope i wun be defeated... I really dun wanna give up my life..
Right! If 1 can't even take care of 1 self, how can 1 take care of others.... I dun hope to be mad or crazy, I wanna control my temper, I wan to be nice, i missed the my past, I hope to do it rite now, but i do not know if i can go on to the future...
I'm sorry for myself and my love. Yes, I did told her that i do not wanna regret, and yet problems are always arising... Its very hard to step out and say, Hey look, I'm well. Its very hard.... I'm confused, i dunno wat to do, I'm just like a child being ask to drive a car... I can only sit in and wait, hopefully i can figure out how to drive a car...
I know its painful for my love to view this process, and to give herself in to me and pull me along. I've gave her afew deep cuts along the way, that is wat i dun want to happen but i can't and dunno how to avoid.... I really hope that the car can be started and i can drive smoothly (without meeting with accidents along the way), but wat can a boy do if he do not know how to drive and there isn't someone to guide him along, Its not a 1 or 2 days matter...
Yah, toking about Friday the 13, it is not as scary as the day before. I was like a mad person on the bus shouting all the way at my love, I hurt her and also hurt myself... Its scary, I do not know why did i respone in such a way? Someone please tell me? Am i really mad or what??? Whats wrong with me?
Gods knows....
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