Nightmare

How long will this going to last? Its very scary but i can't avoid it cause i'm in a nightmare for years. I still can't wake up from the nightmare.

From Movie: "The Machinist"

"How Do You Wake Up From A Nightmare If You're Not Asleep?"

I personally feel that it is a very good sentence, so how do you feel about it??

Hmm.... Was looking at my brusie that i have on my left hand and suddenly feels that i'm a damn crazy fellow. I'm lucky that I've escape from broken arm. I'm also lucky that i'm still alive for the things that i've did in the past:

1) Hitting on my chest with my feast voilently.
2) Hitting my head with a memorable plate voilently.
3) Knocking my head on the floor, on the cupboard, and on all sorts of this voilently.
4) Slapped the person i love.
5) Standing on the middle of the road and try to kill myself.
6) Shouting crazily when i lost my control.

I've did all the above infront my GF, the 1 that I love. It is so scary for her to take in all this and it is so hurtful for her to view the happenings... Its really hard for her to accept all this and accept me as her BF and Husband to be.

I've given her alot of pressures... I'm very sorry. I"m also very scared by those crazy things that i've did. I'm so scare and i do not know how to face myself, my GF, my families and my friends.... I dunno how long more can everyone take this.

I do not know if they will leave me , or they will stay with me throught out, I'm scare to drag everyone down and affect them, but i'm afraid to lose them... I just wanna get out from this nightmare cause its so scary and alot of ppl are being affected.

I need to apologise to everyone: " I'm Sorry"

Its scary, its a nightmare...