Nightmare

How long will this going to last? Its very scary but i can't avoid it cause i'm in a nightmare for years. I still can't wake up from the nightmare.

From Movie: "The Machinist"

"How Do You Wake Up From A Nightmare If You're Not Asleep?"

I personally feel that it is a very good sentence, so how do you feel about it??

Hmm.... Was looking at my brusie that i have on my left hand and suddenly feels that i'm a damn crazy fellow. I'm lucky that I've escape from broken arm. I'm also lucky that i'm still alive for the things that i've did in the past:

1) Hitting on my chest with my feast voilently.
2) Hitting my head with a memorable plate voilently.
3) Knocking my head on the floor, on the cupboard, and on all sorts of this voilently.
4) Slapped the person i love.
5) Standing on the middle of the road and try to kill myself.
6) Shouting crazily when i lost my control.

I've did all the above infront my GF, the 1 that I love. It is so scary for her to take in all this and it is so hurtful for her to view the happenings... Its really hard for her to accept all this and accept me as her BF and Husband to be.

I've given her alot of pressures... I'm very sorry. I"m also very scared by those crazy things that i've did. I'm so scare and i do not know how to face myself, my GF, my families and my friends.... I dunno how long more can everyone take this.

I do not know if they will leave me , or they will stay with me throught out, I'm scare to drag everyone down and affect them, but i'm afraid to lose them... I just wanna get out from this nightmare cause its so scary and alot of ppl are being affected.

I need to apologise to everyone: " I'm Sorry"

Its scary, its a nightmare...

Friday the 13 Dated: 13.07.07

???

I can neither laugh happily nor be very sad, all thanks to the pills i call it "Happy Pills". Not sure if i should continue with it but i think its not doing me good. Well doctors asked me to take it and it will help, I'll just carry on to take the "Happy Pills".

Friends notice the changes, family are happier with me (not to sure have they realise the changes in me), but, since we didn't quarrel as much (usually I'm the source of all quarrels), I should be glad... I shouldn't make known to everybody and try to be so attention seeking but i really can't help it, I feel very bad abt it....

Alot of unhappy things happen on and off, days after days, occasions after occasions, i hope i wun be defeated... I really dun wanna give up my life..

Right! If 1 can't even take care of 1 self, how can 1 take care of others.... I dun hope to be mad or crazy, I wanna control my temper, I wan to be nice, i missed the my past, I hope to do it rite now, but i do not know if i can go on to the future...

I'm sorry for myself and my love. Yes, I did told her that i do not wanna regret, and yet problems are always arising... Its very hard to step out and say, Hey look, I'm well. Its very hard.... I'm confused, i dunno wat to do, I'm just like a child being ask to drive a car... I can only sit in and wait, hopefully i can figure out how to drive a car...

I know its painful for my love to view this process, and to give herself in to me and pull me along. I've gave her afew deep cuts along the way, that is wat i dun want to happen but i can't and dunno how to avoid.... I really hope that the car can be started and i can drive smoothly (without meeting with accidents along the way), but wat can a boy do if he do not know how to drive and there isn't someone to guide him along, Its not a 1 or 2 days matter...

Yah, toking about Friday the 13, it is not as scary as the day before. I was like a mad person on the bus shouting all the way at my love, I hurt her and also hurt myself... Its scary, I do not know why did i respone in such a way? Someone please tell me? Am i really mad or what??? Whats wrong with me?

Gods knows....

???

Full of thots.....

Human beings are really funny creature living on earth, or rather i should say myself. Yes, I am funny. I will never be happy and satisfy with my life... May be i expected too much... May be I want everthing to be good and smooth... But is it too much to ask for that??
Who do not want it that way??

Hmm... Problems doesn't lies with the people around me, but lies with me... I've already slowed down my pace and i do not know how to pick myself up anymore. I'm really thankful that my gf is trying hard, standing by myside to help, but there are still time that I'm alone... That is the worst time in a day... I can't help to be negative...

I dun wan thins kind of life... Yes, I can only complain and complain, thats nothing can be done at the end of the day. Sometimes I'm wondering am I from NATO??

NATO: No Action Talk Only

I'm really a NATO...

Work?? Wat is Work??? Coming to office and pretend to be busy?? Wats that?? I've been doing it for the past 2 Years already. No motivation at all. Haha, Ppl are envious of my working life coz i can do lotsa things I wan cos my time is very flexible... But they didn't know that this kinda of work can kill a person, It kills his passion, love, desire to learn and etc....

Good Day!

What makes a human??

Body + Soul (Mind).

A person can be good and bad... Sounds like i'm talking cock again, but, haha, is the usual me.
So wat really makes a human??

Body: An equipment to carry out actions thats wat ur mind tells.
Soul: your mind and its a really power thing or i should say its an energy that makes wonders.

So do you people believe in Life after Death (When ur soul have left ur body permanently)???
Hmmm... Its for everyone to find out.

Haha, spent time watching"6 senses" with my baby (I'm alittle outdated).
Its a nice show... For those who haven't watch it, Please go and watch it....

Hmmm... Haha, My 1st Blog: Body + Soul = Life!