Juz a tot....

Life are full of ups and downs.
Things are constantly happening no matter happy or sad, good or bad.
Its too bad we can't prevent the bad happenings or turn back times.

Well, I'm really sad that i can't help much at all but to see you fighting this war all alone. I did my very best and I'm still trying very hard to comfort you, but whatever I've did and said (which i though it might help and give you comfort) are apparently those actions and words that you don't like, that is the saddest things in my life.

I've never been so sad before.Be it self blaming you may say, but I'm really feeling down cause I can't even help my love but to get so agitated when I'm treated unfairly and being scolded badly. I dunno what really happen but i do hope that its not because of the unhappy incident that happen in the early Oct that are affecting us.

Sometimes, i just felt helpless and useless, cause I've lost my ability to help, talk, console, spend time happily and meaningfully with you.

It takes times and courage for people to realise that some things are irreversible. It took me around a year or 2 to up everything down and let go when my granny past away when I'm 1st year in my poly life. It really affects me badly and my life have change.

During that period of time, i do not have any support from my friends (cause they are all not very close with me at that time), no matter Secondary school friends or poly friends. Well, may be I'm still a teenager then, I treat all people i don't like like shit and may sure I'll give them a hell of scolding out of nothing. I'm still very regretful for what I've did to them.

Well, time passes very fast and i hope that we can stay a happy and meaningful life, its not that we can't think about those who have left us, we still have the right to feel sad and keep on thinking of them. If you feel sad, I hope that you will tell me how you feel rather than handling it all by yourself. Please treasure the time, relation you have with all the people around you cause, our today will be tomorrow's history very fast....

Jan 2008, here i come!

Today is just like any other day, so boring, don't have much to do in the office. How should i weigh myself at work?? Hmmm.... I should say I'm worthless at work. My company is paying me to do nothing... some of you may envy my working life because I'm getting paid to do nothing, but this feeling isn't good.

I've worked in this kind of environment for more than 2 years, going 3. I think that i really can't adapt to this kinda working life. It makes me slow, look old and feel old. Hmm... Yeah, i shouldn't complain so much cause my POSTs are full of unhappiness and complains. Should be positive and look and move towards the future right? I hope i can do it.

Can i be brought forward to Jan 2008? I'm really keen to jump from now till then. 1st of all my reservist & studies then will be my new J+B. Hmmm, not forgetting the Genting trip that we have thought of going. Most importantly, I hope that i will have a happy relationship with my love ones (Family, Baby and Friends) and things will get better. And when will i get married??? Hmmm......

Please check my brain!

Work/Family/Relationship/Friends/Money

Have you ever fallen into a trap that life has become routine to you? Spending time at home & accompany your love ones and friends have becoming a schedule that u need to fulfill daily, weekly, or even monthly or yearly.

To me, a routine are things that we do daily, and without notice, we forgotten to add in feelings to everything that we are doing. I'm just living in a schedule. I dun wan this kinda life. Its meaningless.

Who can i talk to? I can only depend on u, mylifebook.

Don't know is the word that best describe how much i know myself. I've lost my way in life, anyone can give me a hand and pull me out of this??

I'm very sorry that I've hurt a lot of people along the way especially my luv one. Should i say i didn't treat my life seriously, i didn't treat everything and everyone seriously?

I'm sorry for letting all of u down.

Can anyone diagnose on my brain and check if its functioning well?

Can I do away with all sorry! I hate to say sorry, cause whenever i say sorry to someone, I must have done something wrong or even feel that i treated someone badly.

I just dunno how to express myself...

Just another stupid update...

Have been along time didn't blog le, lots of things happened in between, some are reversible but some are irreversible (no matter good or bad).

I hope all will keep an open mind and live on a better life (Just Let Go). What done can't be undone, so do treasure ppl around you & the things that you have before its too late.

Live is short, Why not live a colourful life; the life that we really want? Why are there so many concerns that hold us back to enjoy the life that we want?

Is it because of responsibilities? commitments? How about those who are living with us? should we take them into consideration whenever we make any decision?

Who is/are responsible for the ups and downs in our life? Who is/are the one that really can share our ups and downs in life?

No 1 but ourselves. We can only be affected and get influence by other's feelings cause we feel for each other. but what happen when time gets longer.... Feelings dies off, ppl start to adopt a kind of routine life, feeling for each other became a routine, patience run out, Listening heart become listening ears (enter from the left, leave from the rite).

May be its human nature... Anyone can relight the fire in our heart and soul???

Click

Hey, long time didn't blog le, I think its important to constantly update my blog, cause its my life book ya.... Hmm... dun wanna miss out too much and hope that i can still recall bits and pieces of wat happened for the past 10+++ days...

1) Zouk with baby
2) Waraku with my baby (our 18th Month Anni), and the nice ice-cream we have after dinner
3) Mc, Mac breakfast, Slack at Baby's plc... Go alot of plc to shop tui nan (Kaki Bukit, Bugis) and back to Baby plc.
4) Crazy shopping again after our dinner (beef and dumpling noodle), Cushion, My baby bao zhen, and my 2 x Yandao Specs, Go my baby place and watch "Click"

Well this show is a very good show, Very educational (not to kids, but to the adults, yeah us).
Please go and watch it if u haven't do so...

Its fun to have that universal remote control but, it not very fun cause u really can't control it and it can go out of hand... till then u will find out wat u really wan... So, stop dreaming and u gotta do wat u need and you love to do... Nothing is more important that ur love and the time you have with ur close 1. So its ok to be relax at times.....

Do Not Regret ya...

Nightmare

How long will this going to last? Its very scary but i can't avoid it cause i'm in a nightmare for years. I still can't wake up from the nightmare.

From Movie: "The Machinist"

"How Do You Wake Up From A Nightmare If You're Not Asleep?"

I personally feel that it is a very good sentence, so how do you feel about it??

Hmm.... Was looking at my brusie that i have on my left hand and suddenly feels that i'm a damn crazy fellow. I'm lucky that I've escape from broken arm. I'm also lucky that i'm still alive for the things that i've did in the past:

1) Hitting on my chest with my feast voilently.
2) Hitting my head with a memorable plate voilently.
3) Knocking my head on the floor, on the cupboard, and on all sorts of this voilently.
4) Slapped the person i love.
5) Standing on the middle of the road and try to kill myself.
6) Shouting crazily when i lost my control.

I've did all the above infront my GF, the 1 that I love. It is so scary for her to take in all this and it is so hurtful for her to view the happenings... Its really hard for her to accept all this and accept me as her BF and Husband to be.

I've given her alot of pressures... I'm very sorry. I"m also very scared by those crazy things that i've did. I'm so scare and i do not know how to face myself, my GF, my families and my friends.... I dunno how long more can everyone take this.

I do not know if they will leave me , or they will stay with me throught out, I'm scare to drag everyone down and affect them, but i'm afraid to lose them... I just wanna get out from this nightmare cause its so scary and alot of ppl are being affected.

I need to apologise to everyone: " I'm Sorry"

Its scary, its a nightmare...

Friday the 13 Dated: 13.07.07

???

I can neither laugh happily nor be very sad, all thanks to the pills i call it "Happy Pills". Not sure if i should continue with it but i think its not doing me good. Well doctors asked me to take it and it will help, I'll just carry on to take the "Happy Pills".

Friends notice the changes, family are happier with me (not to sure have they realise the changes in me), but, since we didn't quarrel as much (usually I'm the source of all quarrels), I should be glad... I shouldn't make known to everybody and try to be so attention seeking but i really can't help it, I feel very bad abt it....

Alot of unhappy things happen on and off, days after days, occasions after occasions, i hope i wun be defeated... I really dun wanna give up my life..

Right! If 1 can't even take care of 1 self, how can 1 take care of others.... I dun hope to be mad or crazy, I wanna control my temper, I wan to be nice, i missed the my past, I hope to do it rite now, but i do not know if i can go on to the future...

I'm sorry for myself and my love. Yes, I did told her that i do not wanna regret, and yet problems are always arising... Its very hard to step out and say, Hey look, I'm well. Its very hard.... I'm confused, i dunno wat to do, I'm just like a child being ask to drive a car... I can only sit in and wait, hopefully i can figure out how to drive a car...

I know its painful for my love to view this process, and to give herself in to me and pull me along. I've gave her afew deep cuts along the way, that is wat i dun want to happen but i can't and dunno how to avoid.... I really hope that the car can be started and i can drive smoothly (without meeting with accidents along the way), but wat can a boy do if he do not know how to drive and there isn't someone to guide him along, Its not a 1 or 2 days matter...

Yah, toking about Friday the 13, it is not as scary as the day before. I was like a mad person on the bus shouting all the way at my love, I hurt her and also hurt myself... Its scary, I do not know why did i respone in such a way? Someone please tell me? Am i really mad or what??? Whats wrong with me?

Gods knows....

???

Full of thots.....

Human beings are really funny creature living on earth, or rather i should say myself. Yes, I am funny. I will never be happy and satisfy with my life... May be i expected too much... May be I want everthing to be good and smooth... But is it too much to ask for that??
Who do not want it that way??

Hmm... Problems doesn't lies with the people around me, but lies with me... I've already slowed down my pace and i do not know how to pick myself up anymore. I'm really thankful that my gf is trying hard, standing by myside to help, but there are still time that I'm alone... That is the worst time in a day... I can't help to be negative...

I dun wan thins kind of life... Yes, I can only complain and complain, thats nothing can be done at the end of the day. Sometimes I'm wondering am I from NATO??

NATO: No Action Talk Only

I'm really a NATO...

Work?? Wat is Work??? Coming to office and pretend to be busy?? Wats that?? I've been doing it for the past 2 Years already. No motivation at all. Haha, Ppl are envious of my working life coz i can do lotsa things I wan cos my time is very flexible... But they didn't know that this kinda of work can kill a person, It kills his passion, love, desire to learn and etc....

Good Day!

What makes a human??

Body + Soul (Mind).

A person can be good and bad... Sounds like i'm talking cock again, but, haha, is the usual me.
So wat really makes a human??

Body: An equipment to carry out actions thats wat ur mind tells.
Soul: your mind and its a really power thing or i should say its an energy that makes wonders.

So do you people believe in Life after Death (When ur soul have left ur body permanently)???
Hmmm... Its for everyone to find out.

Haha, spent time watching"6 senses" with my baby (I'm alittle outdated).
Its a nice show... For those who haven't watch it, Please go and watch it....

Hmmm... Haha, My 1st Blog: Body + Soul = Life!